WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

The Lyrics of the song "when a man loves a woman" originally done by Percy Sledge in 1966
and covered again by Michael Bolton in 1991, captures the exact scenario of whats happening
with Gift a 37 years old guy. The writer of that song stated that when a man loves a woman
he can't keep his mind on notin else and would trade the world for her. And if she is bad, he
can't see it, because she can do no wrong, as he turns his back on his best friends if they
try to put her down, even when she's playing him for a fool because he's usually the last
one to know, as his loving eyes can never see.

 Gift and Abike has been married for 3 years and are without any kid. Gift came back from work sometime in december (he works for an oil company and spends 2 weeks offshore) to
meet an empty apartment. His wife had parked out of the house prior to his arrival. According to him, there was no quarrel or misunderstanding between them and all had been well and good with them. So you can imagine his shock when he came back and met an empty house.He tried to call her through out that day but her phone was switched off. He was very worried as he had spoken to her the
previous night and she had not told him she was going anywhere. He couldnt sleep that night and went round all her friends place to look for her but no one seem to know her wherabout. The next day she called him to tell him not to bother searching for her because she won't be coming back home as shes no longer interested in the marriage. Gift was so surprised by her behaviour and he asked her
what the problem is? she could not come up with anything tangible, but all she kept saying was that she dosen't want the marriage anymore. Gift got in touch with her uncle, who was like a father to her since she had lost her father when she was young, to find out if he knew what the problem is, but he too was at loss. However, after so much hassles the uncle was able to convince her to come out of her hiding and come see him so they could talk things over. When asked what the problem is...she said she no longer wanted to be married and that she married because all her friends were getting married and not because she really wanted to be married. She advised Gift to move on with his life and let her be. At this point, Gift started pleading with her to change her mind and come back home with him, and when he saw that she was not willing to bulge, he threatened to commit sucide if she dosent come back to him.

However, as far as Gift's friends were concerned. Abike was good riddance to bad rubbish. They told Gift to be happy, she had left on her own accord and should start celeberating because Abike was not exactly the wife material. They told him of all her many escapades when he is not in town, and how she goes around, drinking in different bars, clubbing and sleeping with different men. What kind of married woman would go clubbing everyday dressed in bumper shorts and skimpy clothes, they told him. Two of his friends confirmed how they met her twice in an hotel with a man she claims was her boss. They told him they could not tell him before now because they did not know how he would react to it, so in view of all these they told him to move on with his life, just as she had advise. Gift on the other hand is adamant, saying that in spite of all what he has been told, he still want his wife back. His family has however told him that they would disown him if his wife comes back to his house because they have been telling him of her nefarious activities before now yet he has refused to act on it. They told him it was obvious she was not just ready for marriage and that its even a good thing that she has left.

Right now, Gift is not on speaking terms with his friends and family....he has told everyone
to leave him alone and let him bear his cross himself. Now the question is this....given what Gift knows about his wife, given the fact that she has refused to come back to the house, why is Gift still begging her to come back? Could this be love or is there something we really dont know? Well we may not be able to answer all these questions begging for answers but the truth remains that the man is actually in love and nothing is going to change that. Theres a parable where I come from which says that it is better to give birth to a thief than to give birth to a fool. Well I dont know how true that is, but I am of the opinion that something is terribly wrong somewhere and very soon we will all get to know. Because it's either there's something wrong, or Gift is just plainly been stupid or he has been jazzed. No Naija man in his right senses will watch his wife turn public property up to the extent of parking out of the house and would still be begging her to come back like Gift is doing. This is really a case of when a man loves a woman he can trade the world for her....like Gift is doing right now. And this is exactly what we get when we marry for the wrong reasons. you dont marry a girl because you think shes the most beautiful girl in the world, and as a woman you dont marry when you not just ready to....just because your friends are getting married.

Please send in your comments and let me know what you think. Cheers.

WHO'S THE BOSS

Back in the days, there was this song by Gwen Gutrie an American singer which was titled "Aint Nothing goin on but the rent" In the chorus of that song you can hear her telling her man, you gotta have a J-O-B, if you wanna be with me. Yes its true that theres no romance without finance.  Its a common thing these days to see women taking on the responsibilities of the breadwinner in many homes today and gradually the traditional roles in the home is now shifting as the moms are now becoming the workers while the men are now becoming the stay home dads.....how sad.

This is however, causing a lot of rift in some households because the men are finding it difficult to switch roles. Traditional Nigeria family systems are becoming transformed, or are under strain, as in many parts of the world, particularly as women stake claim to greater equality. Man’s role from youth had been defined such that providing food for the woman and her posterity is an obligation. However, the economic recession is such that its putting so much strain on the family. The man's income may not be enough to cater for the entire family or he may have lost his job thereby forcing the women to work to assist the family and gradually she assumes the role of the breadwinner. This however does not go down well with most men as the ordianed head of the family.

I had a friend who once told me that he grew up in a home where his mom was the breadwinner of the house and it got to a stage in their life that they as children no longer respected their dad in the house because it now seem that it was their mom that was responsible for their wellbeing. Due to this fact, he had vowed that he would never be in a situation where a woman would have to fend for him. Todays post is been informed by what is happening between my friend Jerome and his wife Tessy who are having issues originating from the fact that Jerome had lost his job.

 Jerome was doing well in his job as an area manager in one of the new generation banks until he got sacked  about 2 years ago. Alhough he had built a house in Lekki, things got tough for him as he was dead broke and his wife was the one taking care of the home. He had tried to go into business but it was not just working for him. Now he's contemplating selling his house in Lekki and relocating the family abroad. However, the wife who works as a medical doctor in one of these high profile
 hospitals in Lagos is seriously against the move and this is causing ripples in the family. According to her, shes not comfortable with going abroad to start a new life when she has a well paying job here. She said that even with the fact that Jerome had lost his job, they were still living well as she is fully able to cater for the family needs pending when her hubby is able to get back on his feet again.  Jerome on his part is having issues with the fact that his wife was the one taking care of the family. According to him, he is gradually losing his posistion as the head of the house and  for him, that is the reason his wife would oppose his decision to relocate the family abroad. He says his kids no longer come to him when they need anything, instead they go to their mom. He also said that he's tired of having to ask for money from his wife everytime he needs money even to fuel his car. He says he feels he's no longer in control of his family as he's gradually losing his role as the head of the house....a claim which his wife refuted.

From what I was able to gather, Jerome is a man struggling with the definition of masculine and feminine roles which has led to insecurity and complex on his part and this is gradually destroying his ego. I made him realize that the sooner he comes back to reality the better it would be for him, because relocating the family to face the unknown abroad was as good as putting a gun in his mouth and shooting himself. Yes I can understand that he's having difficulty trying to get his himself together, however he should be careful not to make a hush decision. From what I have seen, his wife has been supportive of him so he should on his part let go of that masculine ego and try to restructure his life. He is still in charge as far as I know, just that he seem to be losing confidence in himself.
Jerome's case is what lots of men go through everyday. The pain of having to switch roles as the provider and bread winner of the house can sometimes be over bearing on them and so they tend to lose focus and make rather bad decisions which they may later regret. In all of these, I praise the good women like Tessy, who stand by their hubby in such trying times. There are lots of women that would do this, its just for the men to realize that being the bread winner for the family dosen't neccesirily translate to been the head of the family in an ideal home as far as the couples have mutual respect for each other. So guys, skip the I'm the man of the house idea and focus on getting back on your feet. Like we have always known, behind every sucessful man theres a woman....abi nor be so dem talk am? lol
I would like to use this opportunity to say a HAPPY NEW YEAR to y'all. Do have a prosperous year ahead. Cheers. 

SAINTS AND SINNERS

I got an email from a lady who claimed she's been reading my blog for sometime now. she told me that I am biased in my write up because I tend to criticize women and young ladies alot . In her words she said that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction, and that without men who patronize runz girls there won't be runz girls. She asked me if I knew how the word Aristo came to play and who the real Aristos are, she said aristos are married men who will not stick to their wives but instead run around with young girls splashing money and gifts on them. She was indeed angry with me that I am making it look as if its the girls that go after these men. Lol.

Well I want to state that I have no apologies for the things that I write about. I write about relationships and everyday life as it concerns men and women. I am not trying to change the world or preach to anybody, I am saying it as I see it and do hope that the things that i write about, the stories I tell, can someday be of help to somebody out there. However I want to thank the lady for taking time out to read my blog. You know when I initially started blogging, I was afraid that I was just writing and posting it out there without anybody really reading it....her email to me and the fact that I now have some followers have really gingered my spirit. The other day, Madame Sting of Nigeria scorpio.com made mention of my blog in one of her post and even posted a link to it. This has really increased traffic to my blog and I want to use this opportunity to say a big thank you to her, and I want her to know that shes highly appreciated.

Now, have I really been biased in my write up? well I would leave that to you to judge. But I know that I have written lots of ill stuff about men too. When I wrote about the spy who loved me, was I been biased? When I wrote about Randy men, was I been biased in my write up? I would like people to veiw things objectively before drawing conclusion. I'm just an everyday guy and I won't claim to be a saint but then again, when something is not right, then its just not right. I am what you call a street man. I grew up on the street and still live on the street, so there is nothing anybody can tell me about what goes on on the street. When young grils sell their bodies for money, and claim its survival series, I laugh at them, because they only end up been devalued. I have seen lots of girls rise from the depth of poverty to become big time people in the society, not from runz but through hard work and  sheer determination. Now, I am not saying that these girls were saints but somehow they were able to rise above that mentality of back for ground money for hand. I once saw a sticker that says Money only impress lazy girls. When a woman works hard, a man with money is just a bonus, and not a ladder to upgrade. I think this is what these so called runz girls should know.

Enough said on this. well the year 2012 is gradually winding down, and we are approaching the new year with so much expectations.At the end of every year I always take time out to view how well I fared in the past year. For this year, I must say a very big thank you to God, because the year has really been good to me. I am not one of those that do the new year resolution stuff, because I do not say things that I know I cant do. However, this is wishing you all a very merry christmas and prosperrous new year !!!

RANDY OLD MEN

About 2 weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends and one of them said something that got us all thinking. He said men feel cool hanging out and having fun, sleeping with different girls and cheating on their wives while the women are at home taking care of the kids and playing the good and faithful wife. However, have we ever thought that two can play the game? What would be  our reaction if we found out that our wives were cheating on us, just as we are doing the same thing. When he said this, the table went quiet for sometime as everybody was trying to digest the effect of what he said.  In response somebody on the table shouted, tufiakwa, abomination !!!  How can the woman even think of such thing, let alone commit the actual act. He said that our traditions and culture abhors such behaviour from women and that any woman that does that surely would have herself to blame.

Then again yesterday, I was reading through some threads on Nigerian adult forum and this same topic came up. That why is it generally accepted that its okay for a man to commit adultery and cheat on his wife, but its not okay for the woman to do the same. The poster asked why must it be, that while oga plays away at any flimsy excuse the woman is made to stay at home and work it out even when the man continues to starve her of sex she's made to stay at home lonely, and horny and still remain the good house wife. A lot of arguments were raised on this and it almost turned into a battle of the sexes. However, the general conclusion was that what is good for the geese should also be given to the gander....lol.

Yes, it is true that our culture is oppressive to the women folk, that is why my friend the other day at the bar saw it as an abomination for a woman to commit adultery. However, when asked if it is okay for the man to sleep around then why is it not okay for the woman to do the same....his reply was that its a man's world. I have however, found out that this statement, that its a 'man's world'  gets a lot of ladies crazy because they believe that theres no position in life that a woman cannot fit into so in their opinion, what really makes it a man's world? and what gives men the leeway to cheat on their wives and the women not been able to do the same?  Women are being advised to stay and endure in their marriages even when she finds out that the husband is a chronic cheat whereas any woman who cheats on her husband is looked upon as a slut and disgraced. I have seen cases of some women been paraded naked just because she was caught commiting adultery. What now, is the moral compass that is being used to judge both sexes? Please note that I am not in anyway encouraging adultery for women.

In my opinion I believe that theres no justification for adultery either from the man or the woman once married its advisable to stick to your partner, however the society tend to be prejudiced towards the women and it has been like that for ages. I share in the pain of these women and really know that this is unfair. I know a lot of women endure their cheating husband for the sake of their marriages and children, and must say I commend such women. It is really heartbreaking for such women when their husband goes around spreading his seed in every available hole (Pardon my language pls) while shes at home horny and lonely, yet she still endures in all of this.

So in view of the above, I'm putting this question up for all the randy old men out there who find it difficult to stick to their wives.....what would be your reaction if you found out that your wife is cheating on you too as a payback for what you have been doing? Do please drop your comments on this and let me know what you think.

WOMEN SEX AND MONEY.

This morning I was reading some comments on facebook and came across this post by a lady, which said that "a relationship that does not get you to the altar should at least get you to the bank, and not just the bedroom or the kitchen" I had a good laugh over it, but then again it brought to mind the issue of women, sex and money. Severally I have heard this phrase that there's no romance without finance. I don't know how true that is, but Seeing that comment reminds me of the mentality of some Nigerian women who believe that their body is an avenue to wealth.

For them, getting into a relationship with them means taking care of all their needs, and so they would assess any prospective toaster to see if he can cope with their demands. Their assessment of you involves, the kind of car you drive, where you live, and how you dress. Here in Nigeria, girls believe that if you have to be hitting on them then you have to show appreciation which comes in form of money and taking care of all their needs. Its no more an issue of loving you for who you are, but loving you for what I can get from you. I believe it seriously demeans a woman when money becomes the focal point in any relationship. However, their arguement is that they need money to take care of themselves, they need money to make themselves beautiful and attractive, so you, the man in their life have to provide that money, irrespective of the fact that some of them are actually working. Let us agree that is is in our African culture for the man to take care of the woman but like I said earlier when money becomes the focal point in every relationship then it leaves much to be desired.

One can attribute all these to the level of poverty in our society. In a society with so much poverty in the land, the values are simply thrown away and greed takes its place. We have seen instances where some girls due to their love for money  would leave their boyfriends who they really loved and marry a super rich guy because they want comfort and wealth and most times those marriages dont end well. Its either they are been maltreated by their hubby who sees himself as their God because he obviously provides all their needs or they resort to infidelity because they dont really love their husband, it is the money, and the comfort they love. Its a common thing these days to see young girls engaging in prostitution which they now call runz, all in the bid to meet up. What really irks me is our undergraduate girls in the university who will gladly sell body for money. They will tell you there are not into prostitution but rather what they are doing is runz or aristo. I wonder what the difference is between the runz and prostitution. I seriously fear for our future generation and what they would turn out to be. Its biblical that the love for money is the root of all evil. and every evil act usually leads its victim on a long and tortous journey to self destruction and perdition. However, in all of these there are still a few good girls who understand that money can't  really buy love. I do hope and pray for these aristo girls to understand this and come to the realization, that most times its not all about the money, but your dignity as a woman matters alot.

ONE CHANCE pt 2

When we got to the gate of the guest house, I told Larry that I wanted to ease myself and came down from the car. While I was doing my stuff. i noticed that Larry had parked the car beside the guest house and left the driver's seat for the backseat and I was wondering why he had to do that, but then didnt give a second thought to it. So you can imagine my shock when i came close and found out that Larry was kissing Zaynab.
HEY, ANOTHER MAN WIFE !!! I shouted.

Haha cool down nah Baba T, zaynab responded.
Cool wetin? Na which kin nonsense una think say una dey do so? Abeg guy come go drop me make i dey go my house I nor dey for dis una nonsense. I told them.
Whats your own sef? whats your business in what we do? Please dont come and spoil my day for me. You are behaving as if you are a saint, Zaynab retorted.
I may not be a saint for all I care but I am also not that kind of sinner, i told her. By now, she was becoming more aggresive and abusive with her words. Saying alot of things as it had turned into a quarrel between both of us while Larry was there smiling and of course enjoying himself. I turned to Larry and told him that he would making a fool of himself if he goes ahead to sleep with Zaynab...and that even if he decides to cheat on his wife it should definitely not be with Zaynab. I told him to thank his stars that he did not marry her because this was exactly what she would have been doing had they gotten married. By now Zaynab was crying and raining curses on me, but of course, it didnt matter.
Now please get it straight, its not as if I hate Zaynab, or that I'm trying to be holier than thou here. Zaynab is a cool girl. I have nothing against her, but for heaven's sake shes a married woman, somebody else's wife. And come to think of it, she left Larry a long time ago when she felt he was a never do well. So how come, after 12 years she feel she can still come back and behave as if all is well, besides they are both married for crying out loud. When she left, we were still young men struggling to make ends meet. We were  like 5 guys staying in a one room apartment in shomolu and of the five of us only one had a job. Now after all these years she suddenly realized that she made a mistake......bullshit ! I honestly wanted to know what she really wanted because I know she's not looking for a child, she already had two boys. She's not after money as her hubby was well loaded, and besides she had a very good job, so what's the issue here? Is it just the sex? Well I may never know what her true intentions are but as far as I know she had her chance to live a happy life with Larry and she blew it so she should learn to live with whatever it is that is making her seek Larry once again.
Well we eventualy left Ikoyi that night after so much drama. On our way back, Larry thanked me for what I did. he told me that he knew that  he would not be able to resist Zaynab and that that was why he asked me to come along with him. He said I should understand how much he used to love her. I told him  if he knew he would not have been able to resist her, then he should not have bothered to see her in the first place. I was so mad at him. What was he thinking in the first place? Now he made it seem as if I was the badt guy that spoilt the whole plan for them, because from what I can see they had been planning this all along. He simply smiled and said that's the idea, afterall, what are friends for?
For me I have done my part, and don't care what anybody thinks.

ONE CHANCE pt 1

Last wednesday, I got a call from Larry, that he would need me to escort him somewhere after the close of work that day. I told him no problem,and that he should call me when he's set. Larry and I have been friends right from our secondary school days. We had gone to the same university together and had lived together during our university days so we were very close. He is, what you would call a jolly good fellow. Always fun to be with as he never ceases to make you laugh.

After the close of work that day, he came over to my office to pick me and as we were going in his car, I asked him where we were going to, he sheepishly smiled and told me Zaynab was in town. Zaynab was his girlfriend when we were in school. However, they broke up when we left school as She had left him to marry somebody else. So you can imagine my surprise when he told me with so much excitement that she was in town and he was going to see her. I recalled, that a few weeks before now, Zaynab had seen me on facebook and added me. She had asked about Larry and I told her he was fine and was now married. She told me that she had searched for him on facebook but could'nt find him. I told her Larry was not the facebook type. She had asked for his number, but I told her to give me hers instead, and that I would get in touch with Larry, if he's keen on talking to her he would call. She had gone on to tell me how she regretted breaking up with him and how she later realized she had thrown away her happiness. I simply told her that all that was past now and that they are both married and have moved on. However, from the way she was going, I guessed she was not happy with her marriage, but that was not my concern.

Anyway to cut long story short, Larry told me that her company had sent her for a seminar in lagos (she lives in Abuja with her family) and she was somewhere in Ikoyi and had asked him to come over to see her. I didnt say anything I simply shrugged and listen to him talk. I know how Larry loved her back then when we were in school and how heartbroken he was when she left him to marry somebody else. I figured he only wanted to see how she had fared and maybe show off that he too had made it.
When we got to Ikoyi, Larry called her and she told him she was somewehere in VI but she would was her way back. she eventually came, and I must confess she was looking so good. We went to a joint along Awolowo where we had some drinks. At about 10pm I told Larry that we needed to start going as I was still going back to my office to pick up my car. We had to drop Zaynab off at her company's guest house where  she was putting up. It was when we got to the guest house that the real drama started to unfold.

TO BE CONTINUED