SEX OR MARRIAGE

I grew up as an only child without the pleasure of having a brother or sister to play with, so my friends practically became the brothers and sisters that I had. I however, remember how my mum used to preach to me that I should be wary of friends, and that not all friends are good. I never took her words to heart then, because I felt she was only trying to discourage me from having too many friends, but now I know better. However, today’s post is not about me but about my friend Tano.

Tano has been married to his wife for the past Nine years and they have four kids together. Tano’s wife Agatha is kind hearted and lovely woman whom everybody seems to love because of her generous nature. However that is also not the gist for today. The gist is that Tano is sleeping with his wife’s best friend. You can imagine my shock when he told me that he was sleeping with her. The funny part of it is that he seems to be very happy about it. I asked him how it all began and he went on to tell me how it all started.

Well Fatimah (The wife's friend) usually comes to my house to spend the weekend with my family because she’s always complaining about loneliness since she is living alone, so most of the time my wife will ask her to come over to the house. The thing is that most nights when the kids have been put to bed, my wife and I always stay up at night having late night drink, and when Fatimah is around she usually join us. 

I noticed that everytime I go outside the house to have a cigarette she will always follow me out to smoke. My wife does not see anything wrong in it. So one day while we were out again having a cigarette, I jokingly told her that my friends and I used to joke about how big her boobs were and the way she responded, I knew she was game for anything, so I followed it up and one thing led to another and before I knew it we were in bed. I asked him if he knew the implication of what he was doing. He said he knew, but the sex was too good to let go. He told me that the fact that it was a stolen sex makes it more appealing to him. When I reminded him that if his wife knows about this, it could lead to the end of his marriage and if he was ready to end his marriage for some stolen sex, he told me that he was confident that if his wife knows it about it, she will not end the marriage rather, she will give Fatimah the beating of her life and obviously that will be the end of their friendship but as for him the wife will always forgive him although it might probably cost him a dent in his pocket but he is confident that he will always get around it.

I honestly felt pity for Tano’s wife and the last time I was in their house in Port Harcourt, when I saw the way she was playing with Fatimah and how they were both laughing and cracking jokes in the kitchen while trying to prepare food for her hubby and I, I almost went to the kitchen to tell her she’s dinning with the devil but of course I can’t tell her. Inside me I was angry with her for being so stupid to allow Fatimah into her home like that.  Now, I understand why a lot of married women don’t keep single girls as friends.

I blame Tano’s wife for a lot of reasons. First is the fact that she allowed Fatimah into her home just like that, secondly, she is too complacent as to allow her too much room with her hubby, what is she thinking? The other day, Tano was telling me how his wife sent Fatimah to pick him from the airport when he came back from a business trip because she could not make it to the airport as she needed to pick the kids from school. Well, she might have been doing all these innocently with the belief that nothing can happen between her man and her best friend but tell me how can you leave a Goat and a yam in the same place and expect nothing to happen. I believe this should serve as a warning to all the married women out there, be careful with the kind of friends you keep. Now, that is not to say that all men are like Tano. There are a lot of disciplined men out there who will never even think of cheating on their wives not to mention doing it with her best friend. How callous can some men be? I can imagine if the reverse was the case here. Anyway that is a story for another day. 

Do leave your comments and tell me what you think about this. You can also subscribe to this blog and enjoy scintillating post on different topics relating to relationships, human sexuality and lifestyle. Have a lovely week ahead and a happy new month.

FAKING THE BIG O

Today’s post is going to be a little bit vulgar. Please pardon me if you find this offensive but it is something that I really think should be addressed.

I sometimes find it quite amusing that a lot of women have had to fake orgasm in order to please their men or boost their ego as the case may be. What then is the essence of making love, is it just to please your man or boost his ego? Sex to these women is just a duty to please their husbands or partners rather than for their own sexual satisfaction. Most women have so perfected the art of faking it such that it is difficult to tell when it is real. 

I was having a hair cut in a unisex salon last weekend in Port Harcourt when I overheard a group of women discussing about the big O. These women were all in their 40s. One of them jokingly said that her session with her man the previous night was so intense that she had to fake orgasm to hasten him up since she was pretty tired from work and her man had insisted on having his way. Another one asked her what if her hubby had found out that she was faking it because her hubby found out that she sometimes fakes it. She said she was quite surprised when her hubby told her to stop faking orgasm because he knew she was, they all had a good laugh. 

A lot of reasons were given why women tend to fake orgasm. Some have said they fake it to avoid negative emotions that may arise, others claim they do it out of fear and yet some others say that they just don’t want to hurt the feelings of their spouses, but the question is…. Do they really need to fake it?

I believe that it is every man’s wish to please his partner, so it is left for the women to show their man how to please them rather than pretending that all is well. The pretense and the fact that they are faking it is what will eventually diminish the man’s ego rather than boosting it because when he finds out, it will be devastating to know that he has not been hitting it right. It is imperative that you guide your man towards the right spots that will help you achieve orgasm. When you have orgasms with the help of your partner, it helps build a bond that will strengthen your marriage/relationship. It also helps to build your sexual drive that will make you crave for sex more than you ordinarily will, so you might turn out been the aggressor  at the end of the day and you will also find out that issue of been tired will no longer be there.

However, like I have always advised, communication is key. There is nothing stopping you from letting your man know he is not doing it right rather than pretending. Sex is a beautiful thing that has been ordained by God to be enjoyed within the context of marriage so every woman has the right to that enjoyment and satisfaction and you are not an exception. 

So the ladies out there be confident and let us know when we misfire…lol.

Do have a great weekend !

IN BED WITH ANOTHER MAN

I came across a story recently about a man who came back from work and met his wife sleeping with another man on their matrimonial bed, without saying anything to them he went to the sitting room, switched on the TV and started watching. A few minutes later, the man emerge from the room fully dressed and said, I am sorry, but before he could finish his statement, the hubby simply waved him off and told him not to worry that he understood that things like this happen, and so the man left. Tired of watching TV, the hubby switched off the TV and went into his room, where he met his wife cuddled up in a corner still crying, but without saying a word, the man climbed on his bed and slept off. The next morning he woke up to see the lifeless body of his wife, who had committed suicide while he was sleeping. Now the man was arrested by the police, charged to court for murder and sentenced to 20 years imprisonment for a murder he didn’t commit.

Now the question that was been asked was who do we think is unfair in this whole scenario? Is it the law, the wife, the man or the husband? Somebody was quick to say that the law was an ass, but then again, can you really blame the law? The law is blind, so of course cannot see the truth. However, in a situation like this, who will believe it was not the man that killed his wife. We have often heard stories of men who had come home to meet their wife, sleeping with other men in their matrimonial home and how it often ended. Just recently there was this story I saw on the internet of an Indian man who had beheaded his wife and was walking the street with her head in his hands after he caught her sleeping with another man. There was also this story from Bayelsa of a man who shot his wife’s lover in the farm where he caught them in the act.  Sometimes ago I heard about how a woman cut off her hubby’s private part when she caught him sleeping with their neighbor’s daughter. There are a lot more of these stories. 

The thing now is how does one behave when confronted with a situation like this? There was this story that was trending some weeks back of a Nigerian soldier who came back home from Maiduguri where he has been fighting Boko haram for the past six months to find his wife with another man in bed, only to parade them unclad the next day on the streets. That is quite barbaric I must confess, but a lot of people were quick to say that it serves them right. However, under the law, the Soldier should have been arrested for offenses ranging from indecent exposure to oppression and infringing on other peoples right. I was having this discussion with a group of guys and one of them said, the guy was even lucky that the soldier did not kill both of them that night, but I reminded him that would have made him a murderer.

In a situation like this, I think the best thing to do is simply to leave the vicinity and go somewhere else to cool down. You need to be as calm as possible because violence will not help in any way. Yes, you cannot take away the pain and the hurtful feelings of having someone else share your most sacred possession. For a man or a woman it is a painful experience to find your partner in bed with another person, but please don’t make it worse by doing something rash and aggravating the whole situation.  Going somewhere else to calm down will give you enough time to think of what your next line of action would be, so controlling your anger is very important in situations like this.

Well I guess the guy in the first story did the same thing but at the end he was jailed abi? LOL.

Tell me what you think about this, and also who are we to blame in the first story, is it the law, the wife, the man or the husband?

SHE WANTS MY SEMEN

I opened my mailbox this afternoon and saw this mail. The writer has requested that I remove his details for obvious reason. I have already sent a response to him but thought I should share this with you and get your opinion on this. So here is the mail

Angela and I were an item back then in our school days at the university. We were both admitted the same year, and were in the same class. We started out as very good friends and then became lovers. We were what people termed the perfect lovers. I will not say that my parents were rich but they were well to do and could afford us anything that we desire, however, Angela came from a humble background. She was the eldest of five children and she had lost her dad when she was just eleven years old.

 In school we were inseparable and by the second semester of our first year I told her to move in with me since I was living off campus and she was living in the school hostel and that was how we started living as a couple back then. Our friends used to envy us then because we were always together and always doing things together so everybody thought that we would graduate and eventually get married.

However, that was not the case because by the second semester in our third year, Angela confided in me that there was this guy that has been pestering her to go out with him at her hometown anytime she goes on holiday. She told me that the guy has even gone to the extent of going to see her mother that he wants to marry her. She said she does not like the guy but her mother keeps pestering her that she should give the guy a chance because he was heavily loaded. Not too long after that she told me that her mother had forced her to get married to the man because as the eldest child, she has the responsibility of  taking care of her younger ones and this was an opportunity for her rather than waiting for one small university boy (her words). That was how my relationship with her ended when she jilted me for this other guy.

Fast forward to 18 years later, I ran into Angela at Ikeja shopping mall last year during the Christmas holidays and we got talking. I introduced her to my wife because I was with my family at that time. She was very excited to see my kids and could not stop talking about how beautiful they were. We got talking and she told me that she had relocated to London with her hubby. We exchanged numbers and she promised to keep in touch. We have been talking since she travelled back to London and in the process of catching up with each other she had told me that she had not been able to bear a child all these years because her hubby has been unable to impregnate her and that they had gone to several hospitals but the story was still the same. The problem right now is that she has been disturbing me to help her out by getting her pregnant because she has almost past the childbearing age and she is desperate to have a child. I have bluntly refuse to do that and I told her that in the first place, I cannot sleep with her because I love my wife and would not want to cheat on her, and then secondly she was my married ex girlfriend who jilted me to marry her present hubby so she should learn to deal with her situation and leave me out of it. 

However, she had persisted, and kept on calling me and crying on the phone that I should help her out. I have consistently told her that I cannot sleep with a married woman, so she had better find an alternative somewhere else not me. Just yesterday again, she called me and said since I cannot sleep with her, I can at least give her my semen so that she can use IVF in getting her pregnant. I never see this kin wahala before o. I do not want to get involved in this kind of arrangement, but this woman has refused to leave me alone. I am thinking of changing my number, but this is the number I have been using for years so I am kind of reluctant in changing it. I do not know what to do about this situation; please I would need your advice, help a brother out.