RAPING OUR FUTURE

The occurrences of rape among women in today's society is becoming so alarming and gives cause for concern. This rising epidemic of sexual violence is so rampant, up to the extent that minors are not even spared, so much so that even some fathers are raping their own daughter.  Rape can be defined as forced sexual intercourse or other sexual activity usually initiated by one or more persons upon another person without their consent or against their will.  The act may be carried out through the use of physical force, coercion or abuse of authority against a person who’s incapable of valid consent either by way of been unconsciousness or below legal age of consent. I often wondered what kind of sexual satisfaction can be gained by forcing sexual intercourse. Each time I read about incidences of rape, my heart shivers at the pain these women go through. The other day I read how an 18 year old girl committed suicide a few days after she was gang raped by a gang of three men at gun point in Yenogoa. Women are often reluctant to bring up charges of rape against their perpetrators because they see public admission been raped as a dent on their social standing and may often lead to stigmatization, so they would rather prefer to keep quiet about it. It has been said that while a murderer destroys the physical body, a rapist degrades and defies the soul of its victim.

Rape is something that happens every day in Nigeria, so you can imagine the amount of children, boys or girls that are constantly been abused, and even domestic workers that are at the mercy of their masters and madam and how their lives are been destroyed. I remember what happened to a friend of mine when he newly got married to this gentle, beautiful, and soft spoken girl. some time ago. This friend of mine cried out two months into the marriage that he does not think he can continue with the marriage. When asked what the problem was, he told us that his wife is mentally unstable. He said that when he started dating his wife, they had agreed on a no sex before marriage relationship and he thought she was the righteous type that does not want to engage in premarital sex so he decided to wait till after their marriage. However, after the marriage things still remained the same, as he was still unable to make love to his wife. Every time he attempts to do this, she always turn him down, until one day his wife told him that the only way he could make love to her was if he goes violent on her. She told him that he needs to beat her to submission before he can make love to her. Initially he thought she was just joking with him, but he later realized that she was serious when she started crying and begging him to hit her hard and rape her if he wants to gain access to her body.  She told him that she has seen that he was suffering due to no fault of his, that was why she had to open up to him to let him know that he would have to force his way through. But why will he beat and rape his wife, he thought to himself. This continued for about 2 days until eventually he had to succumb to her wishes. He hit her hard on the face one day, she encouraged him to hit her harder and harder and harder and so it continued till he eventually raped her. 

It was after this incidence that she now narrated how she was constantly been raped as a child at the tender age of 11 by an uncle whom they used to call Hitler.  According to her, this uncle of hers was in the military. He was the one her parents used to call to discipline them whenever she and her brother did something wrong, so they dreaded him a lot. It happened that her parents had to travel to the village one weekend for a burial ceremony and they called Uncle Hitler to come and baby sit them that weekend . According to her that was the most horrible weekend of her life, because for the three days that her parents stayed in the village she went through hell with this uncle of hers who looked for any opportunity to lock her up in a room pretending to discipline her not knowing that he had ulterior motives. This uncle raped her and threatened her that he would kill her if she told her parents what happened. It was this incident that has affected her so much that she cannot bring herself to having sex without first playing out those violent scenes.  Now the problem my friend is having is that he cannot continue to act out those violent scenes and rape his wife anytime he wants to make love to her. He was advised to take her to see a shrink or marriage counselor to help counsel her.

You can imagine how an incident like that has affected the life of that young woman. There are quite a number of these incidences that tend to destroy such women and only a few women like Oprah Winfrey who had also experienced child molestation has risen up against all odds to become what she is today.  There have been cases of girls who were raped by friends that they had trusted. Last year there was this video which went viral of some boys from Abia state university who were raping this young girl even when she was crying and begging them to even take her life.  It was later found out that the girl was the wife of the cousin of one of the rapist. This same thing happened again recently in the university of Lagos where a young man and his friends ganged raped a girl and circulated the video on the internet. This goes to show that it’s a common occurrence that is happening everyday in our society and because it has not happened to people around us we do not seem to care. In all of these, the most painful part of it are cases of fathers raping their own daughters. Now how can any sane man rape his own daughter? A child that you are suppose to protect. There was this case of Adewale Adeleke a 35 years old bus driver, at Ota, who had being raping two of his daughter for the past two years. And also there is this very horrifying case of Sylvester Ehijele a 49 year old man who was accused of raping his seven year old daughter and one year old grand daughter. According to the story that was not even the first time he was doing it, as his 17 year old daughter had confessed to the mother that her father had raped her consistently in the past. 

All these put together, I really wonder what would really make a man commit rape. Is it that feeling of inadequacy or are there issues that borders on control, dominance authority, or capability. There are evidences to show that sexual violence is a learnt behavior in some adults, particularly as regards child sexual abuse. It may be that such people had been molested in their childhood or are themselves victims of such circumstances. However, these are not enough reasons to justify the action of these people. In my view the society needs to do more to prevent the frequent occurrence of this situation. A situation where sexual offenders are made to go free or are given light sentences is totally unacceptable. The government, the law enforcement agencies, the judiciary and even the legislature need to wake up to their responsibility of protecting the citizens against sexual offenders most especially the rising case of violation of children by adults because this is really evil. While adults can offer some resistance, children cannot, and so these adults take advantage of their vulnerability. In the western world Pedophilia is a grievous crime and pedophiles are appropriately dealt with. The same thing should be applied in Nigeria. Stiffer penalties should be given out to these rapist and pedophiles to stem the tide of this epidemic that is ravaging this country. Parents too should be mindful of who they leave their kids with. It is the responsibility of every parent to protect their child. Teaching them sexual education at a very young age is the way to go.  I believe that with enough enlightenment and campaign against this trend we would minimize if not totally eradicate the occurrence of this situation to a great extent. So Non Governmental Organizations, women rights group and everyone of us should all join hands to save our children and women from these monsters. Let us be attentive and vigilant to our children needs. God helping us we shall overcome. Cheers.