Back in the days, there was this song by Gwen Gutrie an American singer which was titled "Aint Nothing goin on but the rent" In the chorus of that song you can hear her telling her man, you gotta have a J-O-B, if you wanna be with me. Yes its true that theres no romance without finance. Its a common thing these days to see women taking on the responsibilities of the breadwinner in many homes today and gradually the traditional roles in the home is now shifting as the moms are now becoming the workers while the men are now becoming the stay home dads.....how sad.
This is however, causing a lot of rift in some households because the men are finding it difficult to switch roles. Traditional Nigeria family systems are becoming transformed, or are under strain, as in many parts of the world, particularly as women stake claim to greater equality. Man’s role from youth had been defined such that providing food for the woman and her posterity is an obligation. However, the economic recession is such that its putting so much strain on the family. The man's income may not be enough to cater for the entire family or he may have lost his job thereby forcing the women to work to assist the family and gradually she assumes the role of the breadwinner. This however does not go down well with most men as the ordianed head of the family.
I had a friend who once told me that he grew up in a home where his mom was the breadwinner of the house and it got to a stage in their life that they as children no longer respected their dad in the house because it now seem that it was their mom that was responsible for their wellbeing. Due to this fact, he had vowed that he would never be in a situation where a woman would have to fend for him. Todays post is been informed by what is happening between my friend Jerome and his wife Tessy who are having issues originating from the fact that Jerome had lost his job.
Jerome was doing well in his job as an area manager in one of the new generation banks until he got sacked about 2 years ago. Alhough he had built a house in Lekki, things got tough for him as he was dead broke and his wife was the one taking care of the home. He had tried to go into business but it was not just working for him. Now he's contemplating selling his house in Lekki and relocating the family abroad. However, the wife who works as a medical doctor in one of these high profile
hospitals in Lagos is seriously against the move and this is causing ripples in the family. According to her, shes not comfortable with going abroad to start a new life when she has a well paying job here. She said that even with the fact that Jerome had lost his job, they were still living well as she is fully able to cater for the family needs pending when her hubby is able to get back on his feet again. Jerome on his part is having issues with the fact that his wife was the one taking care of the family. According to him, he is gradually losing his posistion as the head of the house and for him, that is the reason his wife would oppose his decision to relocate the family abroad. He says his kids no longer come to him when they need anything, instead they go to their mom. He also said that he's tired of having to ask for money from his wife everytime he needs money even to fuel his car. He says he feels he's no longer in control of his family as he's gradually losing his role as the head of the house....a claim which his wife refuted.
From what I was able to gather, Jerome is a man struggling with the definition of masculine and feminine roles which has led to insecurity and complex on his part and this is gradually destroying his ego. I made him realize that the sooner he comes back to reality the better it would be for him, because relocating the family to face the unknown abroad was as good as putting a gun in his mouth and shooting himself. Yes I can understand that he's having difficulty trying to get his himself together, however he should be careful not to make a hush decision. From what I have seen, his wife has been supportive of him so he should on his part let go of that masculine ego and try to restructure his life. He is still in charge as far as I know, just that he seem to be losing confidence in himself.
Jerome's case is what lots of men go through everyday. The pain of having to switch roles as the provider and bread winner of the house can sometimes be over bearing on them and so they tend to lose focus and make rather bad decisions which they may later regret. In all of these, I praise the good women like Tessy, who stand by their hubby in such trying times. There are lots of women that would do this, its just for the men to realize that being the bread winner for the family dosen't neccesirily translate to been the head of the family in an ideal home as far as the couples have mutual respect for each other. So guys, skip the I'm the man of the house idea and focus on getting back on your feet. Like we have always known, behind every sucessful man theres a woman....abi nor be so dem talk am? lol
I would like to use this opportunity to say a HAPPY NEW YEAR to y'all. Do have a prosperous year ahead. Cheers.
