KISS AND TELL

At the usual boys corner, where we all gather after work to have some drinks and cool off after the day’s work, the topic that was been discussed  was a very intense one. The question was asked…..”Can you marry a girl that had dated your friend? There were a lot of reactions to this question that had generated a huge argument at the table.

Kelvin, a guy in his late 30s said he cannot live with the fact that his friend had once seen the nakedness of his wife, and that any time that thought comes to his mind it will make him detest that wife of his. When reminded that they may have dated a long time ago and that relationship had ended and may have been long forgotten, he retorted that it still dose not matter. He said any time his friend comes to his house he will be very much unhappy knowing that his wife and friend had once shared a bed. However, Bolaji his friend saw nothing wrong in that. As far as he was concerned, that relationship  has long been buried so he saw no reason why he should bother about what has happened in the past most especially since it happened before he knew his wife. 

The discussion today had actually started when somebody complained about how ex minister of aviation Femi Fani-Kayode had publicly boasted about how he had dated certain women, respectably married women that were popular in the society. To some, it was wrong of him to publicly come out and declare that he had intimate relationship with these women, knowing fully well that they were respectably married women, (even if they were not married), while to others they saw nothing wrong in what he did, been that he had actually dated them in the past, before they got married and was obviously trying to emphasize the fact that he had nothing against the Igbo people since he was been labeled as a tribalist. Some argued that if he was trying to claim that he was a de-tribalised Nigerian, does it mean he had no male Igbo friends he could have used to buttress his points, rather than telling the whole world that he had an intimate relationship with these women. 

In my opinion, it was wrong of him to have publicly declared that he had intimate relationship with these women whether in the past or present. These women were married and should have been respected. That was highly irresponsible of him. You don’t make such unguarded utterances in the public without weighing the consequences of what you are about to say and then turn around to make apologies. Words once spoken can never be retrieved. How can the memory of the harm done be removed from the minds of these women and how can it be erased from the memory of countless of Nigerians who had read his article. How would he feel if somebody came out to make a public statement that he had slept with his wife? This is Africa, for crying out loud. How would he not know that you don’t make such unguarded statements concerning people’s wife and expect to go Scot free. 

Yes it is true that most men did not marry their wives as virgins, however, once married, they would want to psyche themselves up, that they are the only one she has ever been with, Men naturally are jealous beings, so when reminded about her past relationships or something that is remotely linked to her past, they tend to react negatively to it. So you will understand why the public outcry about Fani-Kayode’s utterances and why what he did was totally wrong. Words, once spoken can never be retrieved, that is why one has to be careful and weigh your words before you spill them out, most especially when you are a public figure. 

Also I find it very immature for a man like Kayode to kiss and tell.  Even as a young man back then we all knew that guys that kiss and tell would always be at logger heads with the ladies. I remember this story of a guy when we were still in school who goes around telling his friends that he has slept with some of group of girls on campus then. Somehow the gist got to these girls that this guy was spreading these rumors about them.  One evening one of the girls invited the boy to her room in the hostel and unknown to him, the other girls were hiding around. As soon as he entered the room, he was surrounded by several girls, some of them carrying broken bottles, knives, wood and different objects. He was asked to strip and show them what he said he has been using to sleep with them, after which he was given a thorough beating that evening. Then he was marched through the girls hostel with girls booing and taunting him. This is to tell you how serious it can get when women find out that you are the kiss and tell type. So for someone like Kayode, he ought to have known better. Sex is sacred and that's why its done indoors. So when you are the type that blabs after having an intimate relationship with women then be ready to incur their wrath. 

So guys do drop your comments and let me know what you feel about this kisandtellgate by Kayode.