TRAVAILS OF LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

How does one cope with a long distance relationship with the loneliness and boredom that comes with it? Been in a long distance relationship involves couples not only having trust, but also a strong communication that will provide a strong base for love. It involves having a strong commitment to succeed and requires a lot of discipline.

On a personal note, I really do not like the idea of a long distance relationship, because for some people been out of sight, is out of mind, and because partners can’t keep an eye on each other some might be prune to wandering. However, this situation may have been necessitated by work or quest for daily bread and so it becomes imperative that the couples would need to live apart. For some it might be quite easy but for others it takes a lot of discipline, strength and determination to stay faithful to their partners. 

There was this case of Azuka and Vickie who have been married for the past 9years and are blessed with 2 kids, a girl and a boy both 7 and 4 years old respectively. Azuka had to leave his family in Lagos and move to Port Harcourt to join his friend who was into construction contracts. He comes home once every month and when he is away he calls his wife regularly. However, he called his wife one day and her phone was switched off. When he tried to get in touch with their house maid her phone too was switched off.  The next day, on inquiring from the wife on why their phones were switched off, her response was that there was no light and so they could not charge their phones.

 This went on for some time until one day he decided to call their neighbor to pass his phone on to his wife so he could speak to her, to his utmost surprise he discovered that the wife was not at home as late as 11 pm that night.  On confronting her the next day, her explanation was that she had went to night vigil since it was the last Friday of the month. 

It now becoming clear to Azuka that his wife was up to something, but he could not confront her outright since he had no proof or evidence to back up such accusations. The wife on her part is taking every step to make sure her tracks are well covered. She has had disagreement with all her neighbors and quarreled with them over flimsy excuses just to make sure that they mind their business and not spill information to her husband on what she is doing.

For a lot of people it might be difficult to understand why Vickie is been unfaithful to her hubby. Is it that she cannot keep herself for the period her hubby is away, or is she doing it out of loneliness or she just Promiscuous.  I believe that marriage is sanctimonious and it is not all about sex. The sanctity of marriage is sacred most especially in the Nigeria context and as it affects the Nigerian woman. Our culture forbids such acts of infidelity especially by women. No matter how long the hubby stays away the woman is expected to remain faithful although we understand that it might not be an easy task for some women.

There is this case of Tonia and Ejiro who has been married for 10 years. However, two years into their marriage things became tough for them that Ejiro had to travel out of the country to seek greener pastures abroad.  Their initial plan was for Ejiro to settle down and then send for Tonia and their 2 year old daughter to join him. Things did not however work out the way they planned it and Ejiro has not been able to even secure his papers not to talk of sending for his family. Now he has been away for 8 years. His wife is frustrated, lonely, and unhappy.  In a situation like this will you really blame the woman if she goes out to get it? 

Like I said earlier couples living apart is really a difficult thing and requires quite a lot of commitment and discipline. The primary essence of marriage is for companionship and when that companionship is not there it leaves so much to be desired. 

However, when the exigencies of the moment and the quest for daily bread sets in, there is a need for couples to sit down and have a proper talk on how to cope with the realities of living apart. They should outline the difficulties they are likely to face in such situations and map out ways to overcome such difficulties. Communication is key to success in a long distance relationship, most especially with this digital age of internet, Skype and all others. Also there is a need to cut down the amount of time spent apart, if they can put all these things together and stay committed to each other, I believe they can be able to overcome the travails of long distance relationship.